We took turns sleeping under the seats on the bus. Clutching our stomachs, gasping in pain with every inch of our bodies aching with great intensity.
It was something I never wanted to experience again in my life.
The bus stations seemed to be more packed than anticipated. During our layovers we tried to find somewhere ANYWHERE that we could just lay down and stretch out, even if just for a few short moments. Our bodies felt like they were literally screaming at us to go lie down and rest. But, it seemed impossible.
We got yelled at by security for lying down and blocking the entrance to the men’s bathroom. Nothing was going right at all and we just wanted to die, because anything would’ve been better than to be left in this physical state for any longer
We had to try and get through these withdrawals and act as normal as we possibly could and to be honest I think the worst of it ended as soon as the bus made it to Colorado. We were able to keep our composure as my dad picked us up from the bus station but as soon as he pulled his van into the driveway of his single wide trailer and we went inside the first thing we did was ask where we could lie down. We must have slept 5-6 days straight, maybe even longer. Only getting up to use the bathroom. Unfortunately, using jet lag as an excuse to my recovering drug addict father wasn’t cutting it.
No matter how many times I denied it, I was maybe 130lb at the time, a whole 100lb smaller than I was the last time I saw my father and even though a significant amount of that weight was lost working for the carnival, I can only imagine how it looked.
I got a job working with Audrey in Pueblo as a customer service agent for AT&T, but the job only lasted maybe a week or two after training. Chris was able to get a job at Viktorios Pizza where I eventually got hired as a bartender / waitress. We were such a good team, working together
On February 28, 2016 Chris and I drove with Audrey into Pueblo to meet up with one of my old co-workers to bring me the newest addition to our family, Chewie. He was the tiniest little Jack Russell terrier Chihuahua mix with a brindle coat of fur on him. Cute as a button and maybe weighing a pound, if that. He was given to me for free because of his brindle coat. He was “too ugly” to sell, and I was more than happy to take him.
My dad had this friend who lived a few houses down from us, on the same street. His name was Tom. Chris had overheard my dad talking to this Tom guy about possibly buying some Dilaudid off of him. As soon as he saw an opportunity he was going to ask Tom if he could buy some off of him as well.
Coincidentally, this is where Chris and I got formally introduced to the Energizer bunny of all drugs — methamphetamine. Turns out, Tom did have some Dilaudid but what he also had was a new drug, one insanely cheaper than anything else we could get our hands on and Tom also had access to diabetic syringes so we could shoot it up.
I 100% DO NOT recommend using meth for the first time intravenously or at all for that matter, especially for the amount of meth we put into a spoon for a single shot and the frequency of our use. We’d go over to Tom’s house and do some light chores (pull weeds, hammer nails on his deck, help with little projects) and hed weigh us out an entire teener, 1.7grams for like maybe 20 minutes of work.
I really think the guy was just lonely and wanted someone to hang out with and hit his weird meth bong. But, eventually we’d start coming over mid and more and then I’d come over while Chris was at work. I mean, he was quite obviously hinting at trying to get in my pants and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t playing that to my advantage. I’d use the whole “I’m cute!” card so he’d share more of his drugs with me.
I never did sleep with him, though. I didn’t even kiss him or even touch him. I guess I just innocently flirted back and regretfully made him think that he may have a chance. He was a very large, handicapped man in his 50s, he had to know he never had a chance.
Nonetheless, once I started becoming noticably more fucked up than Chris he started putting 2 in 2 together and he was anything but amused by it. I was no longer allowed to go to Tom’s without him.
Our meth usage was becoming more frequent with bigger shots as time went on. Before long Chris was able to acquire some black tar heroin from one of the guys that used to work at Viktorios and we’d get some every do often. I was staying up for days at a time, not eating and I was rapidly depleting.
One day I had finally snapped when my dad and Audrey weren’t home. I was screaming at Chris about how hungry I was. I’m sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest leaned up against the washing machine just being belligerent and unconsolable. Chris didn’t know how to handle me in such a fragile state so he tried to make me so e french toast. He had to call out boss, Vicki and tell her he wasn’t coming in that day because I was on the verge of a complete breakdown. Our boss literally shows up at our house telling Chris that he needs to go to work and that she would take care of me. Chris, the poor thing was so overwhelmed he ended up cussing her out and we both lost our jobs.
My head is still not on straight. So I walked into the yard to try and calm myself down but end up in even worse hysterics. I grabbed a piece of rusty old fencing and used it to try and slash my wrists. I was begging, pleading, SCREAMING for Chris to call 911 for me because the suicidal ideations that were manifesting in my head that day were scaring the shit out of me. I ended up having to call an ambulance on myself because Chris refused to be a cop caller. I walked to the end of the road and waited for the police and ambulance to show up. Crying, I got up inside the ambulance and rode it to the hospital in Pueblo and from there I was sent to a detox facility called Cross Roads.
I stayed in detox for a total of 6 days. I cried for at least 4 of those 6 days. I did whatever I could think of to talk the nurses into letting me go, and eventually accepted that I wasn’t going anywhere until they let me.
After day 6 Chris and my dad picked me up from the detox and took me back home. I’m pretty sure I was shooting meth that very day once I got home. But, this time Chris had a plan. He got a few pills from Tom so we could take them to taper off the meth and then we’d ween ourselves off the opiates essentially feeling no withdrawal symptoms, at all.
Somehow I managed to lose the pills.
So our next attempt to get off the meth was to get some black tar heroin. We hit up the guy he used to work with, Evan. Unfortunately, his car broke down at the interstate and he was able to park it at the rest stop down the road. Trying to help the guy and his girlfriend out we snuck them into our bedroom window. We all made ourselves a shot and as they were leaving my dad woke up and caught them as they were sneaking out of the window.
Needless to say, my dad made us pack up our stuff and leave the very next day. He was no longer equipped to deal with the drama associated with me, my drug addiction and my suicidal behavior. Let alone me sneaking junkies into his house in the dead of the night.
Allie Willey 