Jesse lived with cousin Ashlyn and while we were staying with them they moved from an apartment to a nice big house on Strawberry Lane where we were offered to rent out a room. Right when we moved in Ashlyn’s pit bull gave birth to a litter of puppies.
Chris was able to get some work from his grandfather country club doing landscaping and I resorted back to panhandling and modeling.
We were trying to be happy again, without all the distractions from life getting in our way. But, then my mom offered to let me come visit her and I jumped at the opportunity.
I left for maybe 3 weeks. He started using it as soon as I left and I wasted no time finding my own connection through the Internet. But, in order to afford my and Chris’ habit I had to find an income and fast. So, I set up a profile on Backpage for happy endings and modeled a little on the side.
I was making quite the cash load until one afternoon I was picked up by a man driving a white with black trimmed Yukon SUV with eerie tinted windows. He didn’t speak much and neither did I. I was nervous. He drove up and down, curved here and there and it wasn’t before long that I was totally lost. I was oblivious to the fact that it was his intention to get me lost. We pulled into a long gravel driveway in front of a gorgeous mountain view home with a gorgeous 200k RV parked outside.
I got out of the SUV and was guided into the RV where, upon entering, a man threw himself on me and pulled a black sack over my head.
Sometimes, looking back at it, it was like eternity passed through but other times it comes in flashes like merely moments went by and I never really experienced it at all.
Bend over a tub of water, struggling to breathe as I’m being dunked in and out of the water. These men degraded me, they defiled my body. It wasn’t the rape that got me that day. It was the horrifying realization that I could have died right then. I thought I was going to die right there.
They didn’t kill me though. They used me up completely, left me black and blue. They raged a war within themselves and used my body as a target.
I was tossed out of the SUV on the side of the road, somewhere I recognized. The first thing I did was call Chris. My sweet Chris would make this all better. He would say the right thing. He would lift me up.
I was badly bruised, a cut lip from being smacked and hit in the same spot. I didn’t allow myself to process what had happened. I cried, yelled at myself but quickly regained my composure.
I called Chris but my words and my mouth weren’t cooperating with each other and I got frantic and his first reaction was to not believe me at all.
I spent the rest of my night on the phone with him begging, pleading for him to believe me. His disbelief in my pain hurt a million times worse than the rape.
But, I do understand why he wouldn’t believe me.
I covered up my bruises with makeup and told my mom I was ready to return home.
“Get a greyhound bus to Richmond and me and Jesse will pick from there” is what Chris told me to do. So, I had my mom drive me to Charlotte, NC where I got onto a bus to Richmond, with Chewie.
Guess who wasn’t there when I got there? He hadn’t even figured out the details of how he was going to get me from the bus station even though I totally could have just got on a bus straight to Salisbury. I sent money to Chris to be able to get me from Richmond but he spent all the cash buying himself heroin thinking he’d be able to replenish the funds by the time rn had to come get me.
I was stranded at the Greyhound station in the ghetto of Richmond, VA and was b myself on what I should do. I had Chewie, my bags and not a dime to my name. So, I grabbed Chewie and started walking the interstate towards Salisbury. I actually made it a few miles before getting stopped by a local police officer. Apparently, it’s actually against the law to walk the interstate, who knew?
That cop was sent from heaven for me that night. He let me ride in the front seat of the cop car and let me choose where I got dropped off at, which I chose the brightly lit and safe Wawa gas station exit before the Greyhound station.
I told him all about my adventures traveling and about how my father was a pot growing marijuana advocate in Colorado. He shared with me that it’s been a dream of his to be able to quit his job at the police station to move to Colorado and sell marijuana.
After he left I spent the night outside of Wawa until morning and once the sun came up I posted up at the exit with a sign thinking maybe I could panhandle myself enough money to purchase a ticket home.
Thanks to the help of good ‘ol Buzz Carragher, Chris’ grandfather, I was rescued from the streets of Richmond. He has purchased the ticket for me and I’d be on my way home. I was absolutely livid about the entire experience.
Chris was working for his grandfather. Sometimes at the Salisbury Cycle bike shop and sometimes at the Golf and Country Club doing landscaping. Right before I returned home Chris had got in an accident with the hedge trimmers and cut his arm open right by his Wu-Tang tattoo and had to get stitches to patch it up.
We continued to volunteer at the Country Club a lot once I got back. They had the best sauces for the best chicken tenders that money could buy but they were of no cost to us and occasionally Buzz would let us stay in the spare house he had on the property. We had a great time working for Buzz. We weren’t using that often, we had money and we were in love what more could have mattered?
I continued to do some nude modeling on the side for cash and whatever else could bring in money. I would sometimes still even panhandle if I was just bored. But, the longer we stayed in Salisbury the more our drug habit progressed. The best thing about back then was how much of a team we were. We’d both hustle all day and we’d both contribute and there was little to no time for arguing.
Before we were told to move out of Jesse’s cousin’s house we got involved with Thelonius from the coalition for the homeless type of thing that Saliabury had going. Thelonius was a young, bright and caring kid passionate about helping the lives of homeless people. He was incredible. He’d pick me and Chris up to help us get our birth certificates, socials and eventually an ID so that we could get a job and get off the streets.
Thelonius really made a positive impact on our lives in ways that words don’t have. He used his personal vehicle and showed up off the clock to meet our needs and eventually I was able to get a job at Ollie’s.
We steadily stayed high and while we were high we were on top of a cloud filled with love for one another. He always made me feel like the most beautiful and important woman he’d ever seen and made sure to constantly remind me and shower me with love and affection, no matter who was around. I was overflowing with love for him, his body, face, eyes, soul and personality were everything I ever wanted.
We found a really nice, really secluded wooded area behind my job at Ollie’s and we pitched our tent there. Buzz took Chewie for us so he wasn’t in the smoldering heat of the summer.
I was doing really well up until the day I just wasn’t
It was right around my sister’s birthday in 2016 and on that day I had enough. I think I had the day off or at least I wasn’t at work. Chris’ family couldn’t have us come over to take a shower in a few weeks and we both smelled so bad and we had a few bucks extra so we got a hotel for the night at Salisbury’s Economy Inn
While Chris left to go cop the dope I called my sister. I told her about the condition I was in giving only small details to the extent of it all. It was enough to talk her into buying us a pizza to share for the night. I thought maybe my mind wouldn’t fuck with me so badly if I was full. But, the suicidal thoughts started raging through my brain. I took a shower. By the time Chris came home I was practically hysterical.
He got me to eat some pizza and to shoot some dope but it didn’t help. I wanted to die and I saw life for what it was and I hated everything I saw. I wanted no part in this Allie I had become. A sleasy, skinny, heroin junkie living in a tent without any friends or family in sight. I realized I was an addict. I realized a lot of things that night and I fucking hated what I saw.
Barefoot I started talking and shouting at myself and walking the streets. Chris was walking around like his dick was in his hands not even sure what to do because I had quite literally gone mad. I tried to walk into traffic but then turned my attention to the water tower.
I lost myself, utterly and completely. I was going to jump off the top of the water tower. I don’t really know how to relay the emotions I was feeling that night but I had every intention of ending my life that evening. Chris called the police and followed close behind me. I was so unpredictable in that moment he didn’t know what I was going to do next.
I just walked right up to the tower and grabbed onto the latter and started climbing and before I knew it I must have been a little over halfway up the thing before I snapped back into reality and my fear of heights brought me to my senses. I immediately was filled with so many regrets. An ambulance arrived and rescued me from me a bit more than I could chew.
Needless to say, I was brought to a hospital and was put on a 72 hour psychiatric hold at the local PRMC hospital downtown.
I never imagined I had a mental illness. I mean, I was quirky and everything but not mentally ill but after the me inside of me that showed itself that night I was open to opinions. They diagnosed me with Bipolar 1, OCD, and PTSD. I was given some pills to take and they were supposed to make my moods better. I was confused because this is the first time I ever had a “mood”.
I called my sister while in the hospital and told her I was using and I needed to get away from Salisbury but I wasn’t leaving without Chris and Chewie and in efforts to save the life I had she agreed to come up to Maryland to get us.
On the following Saturday Chris came to visit me in the hospital toting some Taco Bell for my pleasure but he had shot up some heroin probably right outside the hall before coming in. It was painfully obvious. He told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me and I told him that it was time we were leaving and I’m sick of being on drugs and I’m changing my life around and bringing him with me whether he likes it or not.
Allie Willey 