On April 13, 2018 Chris was arrested for and charged with tampering with a witness with intimidation or threat, which essentially meant that he tried to prevent me from calling the police.
Chris’ mom and I borrowed my mom’s car and drove up to the bail bonds man that was located outside of the Land O Lakes jail and I bailed Chris out of jail.
On April 16, 2018 he was arrested again for violating a no contact order that the judge automatically gives victims in an arrest. They also charged him with possession of a non narcotic medication without a prescription because they found one of my lone Lithium pills in his belongings.
During this time in our relationship we were not getting along very well and I was being emotionally, mentally and occasionally physically abusive and it’s right around this time I started cheating on Chris with our drug dealer, Zack.
On April 21, 2018 Chris lost his marbles. I didn’t realize the extent of damage that would be caused by my infidelity. I didn’t realize that Chris viewed my body as a sort of temple that belonged to him because I had carried and birthed his child. I just used cheating as a way to retaliate against him for putting me in so much pain.
So on April 21 he left our house and went to head over Zack’s. He had been gone a while before I saw Zack riding his bike towards our house. He rides up to me and says, “You gotta get your boyfriend” and so I proceed to follow him back to his house.
It appeared to me that Chris had been at Zack’s house hanging out and then he snapped. He removed all his personal clothes, including his boxers and put on an outfit he had found at their house. He then told them his name was something farfetched like Eduardo and they were all in his house and he wanted them to leave.
I pull up to the scene and I try and talk some sense into him and he looks me dead in the face and says, “I don’t know you, lady!” and repeats the same thing to his mother after she tries to talk him down.
I was at a loss for words, I didn’t know what we could have possibly done differently to have it so the police didn’t have to be called but I looked at Zack and shrugged and said, “Looks like we’re going to have to call the cops” and he agreed, calling the police.
Not only did the police show up but the crew to Live PD also decided to make an appearance. New Port Richey’s swat team assembles at the front door. I was standing outside but I could hear everything going on inside as they used a door ram to open the bedroom door that Chris tried to barricade shut. Tazing him, and screaming at him to stop resisting they were able to detain him and escort him to the back of a police vehicle.
He was arrested for trespassing and non violent resisting arrest.
Malinda and I bonded him out of jail again and after returning home my mother discovered he was home and violating his no contact order so she called it in to the police.
The police actually sent out helicopters searching for him in the nearby woods and swamps of Moon Lake. They weren’t able to locate him for hours. He made his way to the mall in that time, to a smoke shop where he purchased himself some vape juice and kratom and they finally caught him as he got off the bus a street over.
He was charged with violation of pretrial release. This time I went to the domestic abuse classes that were held at the salvation army so that his no contact order would be dropped and he’d be able to return home.
The cheating I was doing didn’t stop. In fact, while he was locked up I made friends with a few tweakers from the neighborhood so once he got out of jail and made his way home there was a house full of people. One of them, Jeremy, was head to toe wearing nothing but Chris’ clothes because I let him borrow an outfit from his things not knowing when Chris would be released and sent home.
Boy, was Chris mad and granted, he had every right to be.
At that point, despite the abuse I was dealing with from Chris I was unknowingly at the time completely destroying Chris’ life and all because I didn’t like the way I was being treated.
Chris very quickly put two and two together and approached me about his theory that I was sleeping around and I lied to his face about it, making him feel like a fool when he was anything but
I not only slept with Zack, but I had also slept with this Jeremy fellow and in our bed. I was acting real fucking grimey. I was unhinged and lacking any self esteem or self worth. I felt useless, pathetic and like a huge cry baby. After enduring so much abuse from Chris, I felt like he deserved to be cheated on by me. That’s until I realized how much damage I had caused and how badly it would have affected him.
When he got out of jail this time I felt myself fighting my own demons. I absolutely hated who I had become. That contagiously happy girl who used to be kind, sweet, loyal and genuinely happy about life was gone. I lost that warm loving feeling I once shared with Chris. That feeling good feeling he always encapsulated me with was gone.
I was so very slowly breaking him that I didn’t even realize I was also breaking myself, until it was too late. All hopes of regaining custody of my son were rapidly fading away. That’s when I decided to take my life.
I took the blocks of rat poison, walked outside and climbed through the back yard fence and posted up behind our garage. I sat back there slowly nibbling away at the poison as I wrote my suicide note. I could hear Chris frantically searching for me while scribbling down the last words I wanted anyone to read from me. He was texting me and calling me and I just ignored everything.
Slicing away at my thigh I received a message from my best friend, Nessa Marbrey. Chris had reached out to her about my current state of mind and because he couldn’t find me and he hoped she’d somehow talk me off the latter. But, I didn’t want to hear anything from anyone.
At this time, it was just Chris and I. Malinda had moved back to Islamorada once she thought we’d lost Zeke for good. Our dysfunction was too much for her, as well.
Eventually, I finished my note and climbed out of my hiding spot making my way back inside the house to find Chris in a state of pure panic. We spent the remainder of the day arguing and laying it on each other. I tried my very best to explain to Chris that this was not my normal everyday depression that I truly wanted to die that day.
But, every time I opened my mouth the information wasn’t coming out as well as it was coming out in my own head. Finally, I had enough and went into the kitchen and grabbed a Tupperware container and went to the cooler in the back of the house where we stored all my grandmother’s cancer medications and I proceeded to dump them into the Tupperware. Adding a few bottles of Tylenol and ibuprofen I grabbed the box and brought it into our bedroom, laying in bed with it all.
I pondered for a long while if I should take them or not. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to cover how I felt that night.
Then, my decision was made for me. Chris came in the room and saw the bin of pills next to me and like a reoccurring nightmare I can still hear his voice say to me “Go ahead and kill yourself, you fucking bitch” then he left the room.
He told me to do it. I had already spent the entire day planning on doing it, but it’s an entirely different state of mind to be in to actually take the plunge and try. But I did. I started scooping handfuls of pills down my throat.
Tears stung my eyes as big blots of salty liquid poured down streaming down my cheeks.
Goodbye cruel world
Allie Willey 