Before I was able to get into a hotel, my mom dropped me off at my friend Vanessa (Nessa) Marbrey’s house, just to get me out of Moon Lake and I stayed with her for a few days.
Because Zeke was born so early, and because I was pregnant with twins I had to go to an at risk obgyn and the only one in the area was at St. Pete baby place. The adoption agency found me accommodations in Pinellas Park, right down the road from where my mom was living at the time.
My bills were all paid, my room and did were taken care of as well as I had a weekly stipend that the couple i chose to adopt the twins took care of. I found a lovely couple that lived out in Georgia the mother was a ballerina that worked at a daycare and the father was a firefighter and they looked so happy and in love – almost perfect.
Thanks to the adoption agency and their quick response, getting me into the hotel in perfect timing, I was able to stop using meth cold turkey. I was even catching myself becoming happy and as soon as I got out of Moon Lake and developed a relationship back with my mother then I was able to have visitation with Zeke again
I immediately cut off all communication with Chris the moment he got locked up, but according to the charges things weren’t looking too good for him. He called my phone every single day, sometimes a few times. Eventually, a weight started growing as my conscience and by the time I was about 7 months along I finally decided it was time to open up communication with him again.
How could I throw out all the reasoning I’ve been telling myself for the previous months without him after the first phone call. How is it that he always had this uncanny ability to make me fall deeply and madly in love with him from just hearing the sound of his voice and what came out of his mouth.
Just knowing that he’s called me multiple times a day trying to get my attention made me feel special. I literally went on a website and loaded money into his account in order to talk to him, and quickly started video chatting with him.
His words, his super sexy and sultry voice and using all the right words and before I knew it I was back under his spell
The calls came more frequently, and I was video chatting with him everyday. I took the bus to the police station and the court house in an attempt to drop his chargers but since I had already gone to them and given them a complete statement there was nothing I could do and the state was going to pursue it. I even started a direct line of communication with Chris’ lawyer.
Then Minda De Jesus came into the picture. Minda was Chris’ cousin from Maryland who discovered that we lost custody of our son and wanted to adopt him. She took me out to dinner to meet her family and she and her family seemed very sweet. Later, we agreed to meet at a bouncy house business and she interacted with Zeke very well but, I did not want a stranger adopting my son.
With my mom fighting for custody and me being sober, I was helping her in any way I could to achieve our goal. Minda and I opened a line of communication and we’d talk a lot and with Chris wanting his cousin to adopt Zeke over my mom, I wasn’t sure what I wanted – all I knew is that I wanted to be an active part in my son’s life and that was guaranteed if my mom got custody however Chris wouldn’t have been as fortunate.
Not only that but because of the somewhat unreasonable behaviors that my mom has exhibited to us kids growing up and how parenting never really came naturally for my mom, I was starting to have mixed feelings. That and Chris’ opinion mattered to me and he wanted me to trust him by letting Minda take custody.
So, at Zeke’s custody hearing I was asked who I wanted to take custody of Zeke and I said my mom but I also voiced my concerns for if she did get custody. My lawyer and CPS case worker brought me into a back room and I was told that my mom would get custody of Zeke but I had to sign away my parental rights. I froze because I knew I made my mother look really bad and I was skeptical that things would actually work out. So I signed away my rights that day.
I went to my 36 week appointment only to discover that I was 7cm dilated. I didn’t feel like it was in labor, I was in no pain whatsoever and they instructed me to go across the street to the hospital and check myself in so I could deliver.
Expecting to deliver my twins that day – I was surely mistaken. They wanted me to stay pregnant for as long as my body would hold them but would induce me once I got to 38 weeks. But, they also couldn’t send me home because I was too high risk and pregnant with twins. I got sent to antepartum, where the ladies that were not quite ready to deliver go and where I’d stay for the next two weeks.
I got to 37 weeks and 6 days, they wheeled me into the delivery prep room which took all morning only for them to change their mind and wait til the following day until I was officially 38 weeks along. I was livid.
Nessa, my best friend whom I stayed with before I got checked into the hotel, met with me at the hospital. She stayed with me for about an hour while I was in labor and delivery prepping to get wheeled into the OR. She was able to stay long enough for me to get a seemingly mandatory epidural that was urged onto me despite me informing them that it would not work.
After Nessa left, they started the pitocin and within moments I was fully effaced and crowned. I was ready to push! They wheeled me into OR and I had a full team of people and the NICU nurses in the room.
I had the nurses holding onto my legs as I started pushing out the first baby. I almost gave up after experiencing the sheer pain of her head trying to squeeze a head out of my tiny vagina. But, after some rough encouragement from my delivery nurse, I was able to push her out.
Luna Charlotte Willey was born at 10:21 am. After delivering her, there was an observing doctor who was there specifically to move the baby from the transverse position into a delivering position. He took his arm and inserted it, elbow deep into my vagina. Feeling the pain of his arm, I jolted into a thrust but as soon as he removed his arm from inside of me I was able to easily push out the next baby.
Just 8 minutes later I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and I named him Elijah Abel Willey. I invited the supportive parents, Jenny and David in to take the babies and met them after I was transferred back into the labor suite. While they were bonding with the twins I was working on delivering my placenta, but with mild complications and some not so serious hemorrhaging. I was experiencing an insane amount of pain every time the doctor would press into my pelvis.
Something was wrong with me after I gave birth. The pain in my pelvis brought me to tears, I was screaming in agony while delivering my placenta. The nurses and doctors were very dismissive about the pain that I was in. I tried my best to ignore the pain that I was in for the duration of my hospital stay
I was able to breast feed both of my beautiful babies the first night but the next day Elijah, who was renamed Welles, had low blood sugar the next morning and was sent to the NICU unit for insulin and monitoring. During that time I spent some quality time with Luna, who was renamed Lena. I changed her diapers, sang to her and stared at her with awe of her beauty – trying to memorize every tiny detail.
I couldn’t walk so I wheeled up to the NICU and repeated the same behavior, singing and memorizing every little thing on Welles’ tiny body. Lena was 7lb 11ozb and Welles was 5lb 13oz and so she was a solid 2lb heavier than he was, the fragile little guy. She must have been sucking down all the nutrients from him.
Jenny and David were an absolute dream when it came to giving me the proper space I require to say goodbye to my dear, sweet babies. We did a photoshoot together before I was discharged which was absolutely beautiful and before it was time to leave I sobbed like a baby watching the little humans I just spent the past 9 months growing inside of me. David told me I was a superhero as we passed each other in the lobby before getting in the car and I let my tears roll down my cheeks.
Immediately after leaving the St Pete baby place, because of the amount of immense pain I was in, my mother drove me to Trinity hospital. I had a hairline fracture in the side of my pelvis bone and in the center of my pelvis, where most pregnant women only have separate 2-4mm I had a 13mm gap in the anteroposterior compression (ACP) type one. This is what was causing me to be in so much pain, it was called pubic symphysis diastasis. It must have happened during childbirth, I’m assuming from when I jolted and thrusted upwards when the doctor had to reposition baby Welles. They gave me a prescription of Vicodin and I found a walker on the marketplace.
After finishing up all of the adoption paperwork, I got a check for the amount of $3,000, maybe a few dollars more. I used that money to pay for the first, last and security on a nice 3 bedroom house in Holiday. It was just the type of house I’d have wanted Zeke living in once my mom got custody.
My mom and I had Zeke over every weekend, I was actually able to put my baby boy to sleep at night, sing to him, teach him and fall madly in love with him – it was a dream come true! I video chatted with him and Chris and becoming a family one day seemed possible. My mom and I got a probono lawyer to help us process the paperwork needed for her to get custody and everything seemed perfect.
Zeke’s foster mom met up with my mom for one final visit and my mom was given the papers that granted her temporary custody, making her a foster parent. The very next day CPS came by and took Zeke away for good. He was flown up to Maryland to be with Minda and her family.
I don’t know what happened, perhaps it was what I said about her in the courts or maybe Minda silly had a better lawyer than us. I truly have no idea but their decision broke my fucking heart. As soon as she got custody of Zeke all communication was cut off except for a Facebook page she made to post updates.
The last time I saw Zeke was at the beginning of July in 2019, at a local library. That was the last time I’d hold him in my arms. Having him just dissolve from my life during that time after spending all that time together. After going to all those parks, museums, and swimming adventures and being able to sing him a lullaby and sleep in my arms.
He was gone and I was all alone with my mom in Holiday. It was like all the pain of losing custody happened all over again and it was only a matter of time before I relapsed.
Allie Willey 