I lay in bed tonight reflecting on the year as a whole. I started off the year desperate, scared and determined to get clean and recover. I spent the first two months fully dedicated and in rehab learning how to defend myself against my addiction. I struggled the entire year, battling with my mind over the matter and failing quite frequently. I hate to admit I still struggle with using uppers, but I’ve been free of Al downers and opiates since June 3rd.
Then June came along and I lost Chris and I lost myself for a while there too. Months went by where I was literally neck and neck with my demon and I had to figure out how to overcome. I used my loss and my grief to fuel me and motivate me to stay clean even more.
I drowned my sorrows with a multitude of sexual acts with strangers. One specific one led me to meet Dakota. I met Dakota in August and we hit it off pretty quickly. He was handsome, shy yet outgoing and just different.
He took my focus off of my grief almost instantly, it’s like I couldn’t even focus on being sad for much too long and he’d take all that pain away.
Since moving to Missouri with him in the end of November things have changed some more. That shy, handsome guy I met in August became someone new and I’m adapting to changes I never thought I’d experience.
I only hope that this next year brings me a joy I haven’t felt in years
Allie Willey 